We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
