she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
