Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
