he puts the penis in happiness.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
