My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
