Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
