True but thats because hes a fetus.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
