she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
