looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
