I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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