So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
