I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
