i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
