I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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