He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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