You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
