i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
