This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
