In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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