It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
