I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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