can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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