explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say š
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
