Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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