I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
