I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
