my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
