3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
