we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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