i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
