if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
