i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
