Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
