Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
