Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
