So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
