Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
