there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
