oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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