I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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