): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
