Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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