just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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