Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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