How'd it feel making her break her religion?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
