Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
