just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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