Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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