Sry I called you an 8
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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