I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
