just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
