i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
