what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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