If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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