Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
