wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
